Your baby is crying. You jump up and immediately go to comfort and soothe your baby. And right away, someone tells you, “You shouldn’t do that, you know. That’s how you spoil children!” A discussion erupts. It’s a hotly debated issue! Because: should you let your baby cry it out or rather not? Fortunately, this question has been thoroughly researched in recent years. This article brings you up to date on this topic.
Is it okay to let my baby cry for some time?
In the past, it was often assumed that it was better to let your baby cry for a while to avoid spoiling your child too much. However, research shows that it is in fact better to attend to your baby anyway. Especially if your baby is still very young. Your child cries because he or she needs you and may feel rejected if you don’t respond. Moreover, a newborn baby is not yet able to regulate his or her own emotions and needs you to do so: this is also referred to as “co-regulation”. A newborn baby has not yet learned how to postpone his or her needs, and your baby’s stress levels can rise rapidly if they don’t experience any response to their crying. Hence, it is better to attend your baby when he or she is crying!
Until your baby is 6 months old, don't let him or her baby “cry it out”
Is your baby not yet 6 months old? Then it is recommended not to let him or her cry it out and, instead, to always comfort your child when he or she is crying. This will teach your little one that you are always there for him or her and that they are not alone. If you let your baby cry, this may cause your baby to feel less secure and develop a less strong bond with you. You don’t have to be scared that you will spoil your child, because at this age they cannot make that link at all.
Are you sometimes not able to respond right away? For example, because you have food cooking in a pan or because you are busy with your other child(ren)? Don’t worry, not being able to respond immediately on occasion will not cause any irreparable harm. As long as your child is aware that you are generally around to comfort him or her, you are on a good path. However, regularly letting your baby cry it out for some time can cause uncertainty and a less stable bond between you and may even lead to behavioral issues and lower self-confidence later in life.
Delaying satisfaction of needs from the age of 6 months onward
From the age of 6 months, your baby is able to start learning to comfort himself or herself and that his or her needs will not always be satisfied immediately. Of course, it’s still not recommended to let your baby cry it out endlessly, but it is okay if you respond a little bit later. This is also called “controlled crying”. Wait a few seconds to respond, but do let your child know you’re around, for example. This way, your baby learns that his or her needs will be met, even if they have to wait for a while. A challenging process indeed, which many parents have to cope with of course. Do you need more tips or wish to share your experiences? Download our app and chat to other parents in our forum!
Letting your baby cry before bedtime
Your baby’s crying before he or she falls asleep often sounds different than its crying when there’s a real issue. If your baby is already a bit older, you will probably recognize these cries. Always let your baby know that you are around and (once your baby is 6 months old) it certainly won’t hurt to let your child cry for a while. Just make sure that your child will not become overwrought, because this will make it even more difficult for your baby to fall asleep.
Your baby keeps crying: what can you do about it?
Of course, it’s quite normal for your baby to cry. But do you feel that it takes longer than usual, do you have no idea why your baby is crying, or is your baby often inconsolable? Discuss your concerns with your family doctor or the childcare clinic. Likewise when you notice that it is tough on you or when you suffer from stress due to your child’s crying. Specialists are always at hand to help.
