My days as SAHM and Jill

Last September, we discovered that our son Janoah (4) was due to become a big brother. We were overjoyed about the news that our family was about to be joined by a new member!

I had just started a challenging new position as a service consultant at the car dealership of my dreams. I’m 23 years old and was looking forward to the wonderful opportunities that were open to me. 

Nevertheless, I decided, after discussing the matter with my husband Jelle (27), to quit my position at work. Janoah deserved my full attention in the time before his sister was born. The pregnancy and the hormones affected me quite severely, which was a further incentive to stop working.

The people around me, however, thought that my decision to stop working was rather weird. In their eyes, I was 23 years old, in the prime of my life, and there shouldn’t have been anything to be concerned about. It was annoying at times to explain to them why I had stopped and why my pregnancy was difficult. I didn’t let it get to me, because I was happy and I was able to fully enjoy our son. I was able to give him all my time and attention. I was even able to take him to school myself and collect him again after school.

Our daughter Jodi was born on 11 May. After a really tough delivery, we were allowed to take her home on the same day. The postpartum days went by in a flash, and we really enjoyed our new expanded family.

Jelle’s leave was over after two weeks, so he had to go back to work. I was a little scared at first, staying behind at home alone with two kids: would I be able to cope with that? How would I manage everything? And quite frankly? Things just fell into place. We slowly developed a specific rhythm, and everyone is on board. I just let it wash over me, and that was the best thing I could do at the time.

After taking Janoah to school in the morning by cargo bike, I may drive straight to the supermarket to do the shopping together with Jodi. Once at home, Jodi goes into the box, and I start doing my household work and preparing the food. This means that I only need to warm up the food at the end of the afternoon, then I can dish up as soon as Jelle is home. Having a toddler of school-going age actually makes life a bit easier, so we quickly established our rhythm.

In the meantime, we have all settled into a really nice routine. The roles are well divided between Jelle and me. I couldn’t ask for a better dad and partner. Between 17:00h and 19:00h we have what we call our “rush hour,” which is when it’s our kids’ bath time; afterwards, they put on their pajamas and then go to bed. I think every parent is familiar with this type of rush hour! And when peace and calm finally return, it’s time for Jill. I take a deep breath and have a nice shower or simply relax in the garden for a bit of us-time with Jelle. 

But besides being a mother, I’m also Jill, aged 23. There are things I enjoy doing: like reading a good book or watching a good series. And I want to live out my great passion – writing. I’ dreaming of writing a book one day. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been writing stories. This is often my go-to activity when the kids are asleep or at school. On weekends, we sometimes have friends over for a visit – of course, with a delicious barbecue when the weather is nice. That’s something you can easily do with two kids.

The great thing about being a stay-at-home mom is that I can be the rock in the surf for my kids and I am always there for them. My own childhood was not very happy, so I am incredibly grateful that I can offer my children the world. And give them all the time and attention I have. And I can be there for them.

Having Jelle, Janoah and Jodi in my life is the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m the happiest woman on earth with those three by my side. And I feel and receive unconditional love. 

I am convinced that once you have found your destiny, you can also make space for yourself and we-time with your partner. In this respect, a sensible division of chores is key.

• Routine: establish a daily routine that already takes into account your kids’ needs as well as your own. 
• Early morning or late evening: consider getting up a bit earlier or going to bed a bit later to have some more time to yourself. Obviously, it is important that you get enough sleep.
• Do your children still take naps during the day? Use this time for fun activities for yourself instead of doing boring household chores.
• Plan ahead: create a weekly schedule in which you reserve specific times for relaxation and/or self-care.

Don’t ignore your own needs, me-time makes you not only a happier and healthier person, but also a better mom!