“I went to the doctor because I didn’t know what to do anymore… Less than an hour later, I was looking at an ultrasound of a fully developed 32-week-old baby. My world was turned upside down.”
An irregular cycle and uncertainty
My partner, Martijn, and I wanted to start a family and looked forward to the adventure of parenthood, so I stopped taking birth control. The transition took some time, and my cycle became extremely irregular. While a normal menstrual cycle lasts about 28 days, mine varied from 20 to 60 days. There was no pattern to it.
In addition to my irregular cycle, I often suffered from severe PMS symptoms such as extreme fatigue, abdominal and back pain, nausea, tender breasts, mood swings, and bloating. This made me feel insecure, and as we were trying to conceive, I became increasingly worried about my fertility and health. After consulting with my doctor, we decided to investigate the cause of my irregular cycle and accompanying symptoms.
The shocking discovery: 32 weeks pregnant
For months, I struggled with digestive and hormonal issues, a missing period, and even negative pregnancy tests. I underwent tests with a gastroenterologist, a fertility specialist, and a gynecologist, took an EMB blood test, and tried different diets, but nothing seemed to help. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was exhausted.
Desperate, I went to my doctor. With tears in my eyes, I said, “I don’t know what to do anymore…” The doctor looked at me and said, “Let’s take another look at your abdomen.” He examined me, listened with a stethoscope, and then looked at me in shock. “Girl, I think you’re very pregnant. And quite far along too, I’d estimate at least seven months!”
There I was, standing outside the doctor’s office, completely overwhelmed, holding a referral note for the obstetric clinic in my hand. In shock and flooded with emotions, I called Martijn. Less than an hour later, we were at the hospital together. The ultrasound confirmed the unimaginable: I was already 32 weeks pregnant.
Emotions and mental processing of an unexpected pregnancy
How was this possible? This only happens in movies, right? How could I have been so unaware? After all, I had negative pregnancy tests! I wasn’t sick. No, I was a healthy woman, who was also pregnant. A woman who had been carrying a perfectly healthy baby for months without knowing. The shock was immense and traumatic.
And yet, I had never felt so supported. Martijn, our family, and our friends immediately surrounded us with love. Within no time, we had baby clothes, supplies, flowers, and, most importantly, an overwhelming amount of care and support.
I had never experienced such a whirlwind of emotions at once. Shame and guilt—how could I, as a woman, not realize I was pregnant? 32 weeks just… gone. I had walked into the doctor’s office wearing size 36 jeans and, within a week, had a full-term pregnant belly. What would people think? I felt sadness for not meeting our little boy sooner. Grief for the pregnancy experience I had missed. But also wonder and pride how incredible that my body had done this all on its own, without me even knowing. My body had carried a perfectly healthy baby for seven months.
Mental preparation for birth
Amidst all the chaos, I decided to seek not only practical and medical support but also mental guidance. Through a coaching practice for mothers, I prepared myself for childbirth and motherhood in just eight weeks. It was overwhelming, too much in too little time. But I’m incredibly grateful I took that step. And nearly eight weeks later, I held our beautiful, perfectly healthy son in my arms.
A mix of grief and joy
A wave of love and pride washed over me, and it felt as if he had always been there. I had never felt so much trust in myself as I did at that moment. Overnight, I had formed a deep, indescribable bond with my baby. As if I instinctively knew what to do as a mother. I felt powerful yet incredibly vulnerable. Grief and joy coexisted: grief for what I had missed, but above all, immense happiness for our baby.
Processing and acceptance
A few months after giving birth, I sought help in the form of imagery rescripting therapy. At the time, it helped me tremendously. But six months ago, when the desire for a sibling began to grow, I noticed that unresolved emotions surfaced again. I am now undergoing EMDR therapy to process my unexpected pregnancy on a deeper level. And I can highly recommend it: seek help if you need it.
It didn’t go as I once imagined or hoped. But it happened exactly as it was meant to. And I am deeply grateful for that.
If you recognize yourself in my story and would like to connect, you can find me on Instagram. I would love to hear from you.
